This is my story!

Imagine having a well-functioning sex life with your partner and being able to explore your own body. Then, gradually, it starts to fade away. The ability to be a “man,” to masturbate whenever I wanted, suddenly vanished.

This is my story.

I am a middle-aged man born with spina bifida, now using a wheelchair. In recent times, I have been fortunate enough to “rediscover” that it is possible to have a sex life. Despite that my spinal bifida made me over time, lose the ability to walk. Mobility from the waist down gradually diminished, and with it, the ability to have an intimate relationship with my life partner or the possibility of masturbation disappeared. At least, that’s what I thought. The thought of not being able to achieve climax and not knowing what it took to achieve it led my life partner and me to stop having an intimate relationship because of my disability.

Since 2013, this has been a challenge. I have had difficulties achieving climax, and my life partner has felt incapable of satisfying me. We both feared sexual failure and, therefore, chose not to approach each other in that way. I couldn’t even satisfy myself through masturbation, so that was not an option either. The frustration of not being able to do it was just too much to bear.

The gradual decline in my ability to walk and stand upright has led to countless visits to the healthcare system. The queue for help with all sorts of challenges has been long. However, I wish that all aspects of these types of challenges could be brought to light. Sexual health and sexual pleasure for people with disabilities are not a topic that is prioritized. None of the professionals I encountered along the way focused on this, and I came to accept that this aspect of my life was not meant for me.

By sheer chance, I discovered that people with disabilities can use different sextoys that are suited for their disabilities. For a middle-aged man with almost no experience with sextoys and coming from a time where discussing sex openly was not common, it was a threshold to cross.

Normalization is probably the word that best describes the situation and I tried the penis vibrator. People with reduced mobility have often found success with stimulation through vibration, I was told.

As a result of this development over the past year, a whole new (or rather, old if you will) world has opened up for me. Where I previously experienced frustration and failure, I now get to experience pleasure again. I have tested various products through Cheeky Joy to find what works best for me and my wife. On Cheeky Joy’s store page, there are many good products to choose from.

At first, I tried out the vibrator alone, fearing that it wouldn’t have any effect. But once it proved effective, it didn’t take long before my wife became involved. For the first time in a long while, we were going to try what we had failed at so many times before. It was a bit unfamiliar for both of us, but after some experimentation, we managed it. Shared pleasure and intimacy were back on the agenda. Based on this success, we concluded that the use of sex toys has great value for us and for me.

Why am I sharing this? It’s important for me to share this because I believe there are many who struggle with similar issues and don’t quite know what to do. I think many people find help through rehabilitation and from professionals trained in this field. However, I also believe that many people don’t receive this help, based on my own experiences within the system. The use of sex toys has become a part of my daily life, and our life together. The repertoire of different toys has expanded because, as they say, you don’t know the value of something until you lose it. If you find yourself relating to this, my advice would be to either discuss it with your primary care physician or dive into products and sex toys and try them out for yourself. You might be pleasantly surprised by the impact it can have on your quality of life—I have no doubt about it.

I have recommended some products below that I have tested through Cheeky Joy. They have several products that may also be worth exploring and trying out. I hope my article was useful for you.

Products I have tested and can recommend:

1. Blowmotion Warming Vibrating – A penis vibrator with a strong motor. It comes with 6 vibration patterns with 3 intensities for varied sensation. The vibrator is suitable for solo play or use with a partner. It can be helpful for those having difficulty achieving orgasm. It comes with a USB charging cable and has a run time of 60 minutes. Buy or read about the product here. 

2. TENGA male masturbator with revolutionary valves for an incredibly realistic deep-throat experience. A penis vibrator that simulates suction. Combination of large and small nubs, plus rounded head to pleasure the full length of your shaft. Customise your experience by adjusting coverage of the suction hole at the end. Learn more and purchase it here.                                                         
3. Nexus Revo Stealth Anal Vibrator – For many men with reduced mobility due to spinal cord injuries/issues, incorporating prostate stimulation can make it easier to achieve sexual satisfaction. I have found the Nexus Revo Stealth, which comes with a remote control, to be very advantageous. It’s known as the “man’s rabbit vibrator.” I prefer this one because it is easy to position, stays in place securely, and can be controlled with the remote. The vibrator stimulates through vibration but primarily with rotation at the tip. This makes it significantly easier to achieve climax, especially for someone with limited mobility like me. The vibrator has six vibration patterns, and the shaft can rotate in two speeds and in both directions. The remote control has a USB charging cable with a magnetic connector. I haven’t had to recharge it yet, and even after multiple use of the vibrator, it hasn’t run out of power. Learn more and purchase it here.

4. DOMINIX Deluxe Large Inflatable Wedge, Handcuff and Blindfold Set:

   • Inflatable sex wedge with blindfold and attachable handcuffs for elevated play
   • Wedge raises pelvis, giving you better access during oral and deeper penetration. You can buy it here. 

Note: The above text contains descriptions and recommendations of sex toys. Please understand that these are personal experiences and preferences and that individual results may vary. Always consult with a healthcare professional if you have any concerns or questions about using sex toys or any other medical issues.